well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize