I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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