As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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