My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
