omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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