I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
