Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Someone shit on the floor
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
