A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
