Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize