Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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