Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Randomize
