i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
