lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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