No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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