gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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