i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He is an equal opportunity slut.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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