not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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