I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
