uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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