five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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