it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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