Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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