one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
