Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
