Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
