The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
