New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
