There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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