This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
