Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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