Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
