i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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