Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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