are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize