Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
