what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
