not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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