guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
