You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
