I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he shaved USA in his pubs
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
