why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize