my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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