Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
