no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize