I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
