Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
