I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize