So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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