under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
