I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
