Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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