I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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