Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
