I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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