i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
