I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
