i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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