I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
