Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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