i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize